Women Leaders: Choosing Authenticity or Facades of Conformity

It is a little bit ironic that today is World Sleep Day and last night I lost a good deal of sleep. I watched Jodi-Ann Burey's TED talk, "The Myth of Bringing Your Full, Authentic Self to Work." It forced me to re-think my approach to helping women strengthen their leadership presence.

There is quite a bit of research indicating that authenticity is an important component for leadership presence and overall well-being. My favorite definition of presence is Amy Cuddy's, "Presence is the state of being attuned to and able to comfortably express our true thoughts, feelings, values and potential."

In the book "The Confidence Code", Katty Kay and Claire Shipman review research on how women can develop better confidence. It often comes down to two things - authenticity and action.

In "The Gifts of Imperfection", Brene Brown encourages us to let go of what people think and cultivate authenticity in order to experience wholehearted living. There are many other sources of solid research that suggest the power of authenticity in leadership, organizational learning and well-being.

In her TED talk, Ms. Burey eloquently discusses how authenticity is often a double-edged sword for Black women. She tells the story of being urged to be herself but facing backlash and fewer opportunities as a result. I was reminded of the reality of being a White, cisgender women. It is easier for me (though not easy) to tell my stories and embrace my unique purpose and power in order to strengthen my leadership presence. I was disturbed that I had not adequately considered the experiences of Black and other underrepresented groups. It made we wonder if enough research had been done with people of color and their experiences with authenticity.

What does this mean for women who want to strengthen their leadership presence? Is helping them find more opportunties to share their stories and align their lives with their best selves the way to do this? I still believe it is necessary for women learn who they are at their best and show up as this person.

In "Race, Work and Leadership: New Perspectives on the Black Experience", there is a chapter entitled “Authenticity in the Workplace: An African-American Perspective” by Patricia Faison Hewlin and Anna-Maria Broomes. Hewlin and Broomes make the distinction between being more authentic and creating facades of conformity.

Facades of conformity are false representations that individuals in organizations create to convey that they embrace the organization’s values. In essence, creating a facade is a strategy people use to survive and succeed when they do not feel free to express their true selves at work. Research on facades of conformity resides with scholarly discussions of authenticity, particularly on how authentic self-expression is constrained when one’s personal perspectives are different or not valued in one’s workplace. Existing findings on facades of conformity highlight the experience of holding minority status across a combination of personal characteristics, such as gender, race, culture, work experience and values. In particular, a core finding is that the number of personal characteristics in which one identifies himself or herself as a minority is positively associated with the degree to which one creates facades of conformity, suppressing personal values and pretending to embrace organizational values (p. 152).

It is not enough to help women choose authenticity in order to strengthen their leadership presence. We must ask how we can help them navigate the reality of choosing when to be authentic and when to use a facade of conformity. In a perfect world, all organizations would embrace Diversity, Equity and Inclusion so that it would not be as necessary to use facades of conformity. It is the responsibility of organizational leaders to champion the change of organizational culture. This leaves us with a conundrum-we need more women with stronger leadership presence in order to put pressure on organizational leaders to improve organizational culture. This also puts pressure on women, particularly women of color, to have the courage to minimize their facades of conformity.

As a leadership coach, I realize more fully now that it is my responsiblity to help my clients not only embrace their authenticity, but also help them deal with the fallout of doing so. I can help them be more aware of their facades of conformity, how they are using them and how and when they choose to drop them. Choice is empowering.

Crucial Questions to Ask Yourself Tonight to Be a Better Leader Tomorrow

Effective leaders are constantly developing better self-awareness. One way to do that is to have a practice of reflecting on your day every night. Part of that practice should be free-association-see what comes up as you reflect on your day. Another component is some structured writing around a few key questions. You may choose 3-5 questions of most importance to you to use every night to guide your writing.

Please allow me to help get your thinking going as you design your nightly ritual. Consider using all or some of these questions. They are designed to strengthen your leadership presence.

• How well did I embrace my unique purpose today?

• How well did I practice my unique power today? (my strengths, experience, talents, skills, knowledge, etc.).

• How well did my words and actions align with my purpose and power?

• How well were my words and actions consistent between my life domains (self, work, home, community)?

• What effective leadership behaviors did I practice today?

• How well did I keep my heart open and remain curious?

• When did I zone out and shut down?

• How well did I know the difference between things I can control and things I can’t?

What other questions would you add to the list?

Embracing Your Purpose Is A Big F**king Deal For Your Leadership Presence

I challenge you to think about someone who has strong leadership presence and not be able to clearly articulate their purpose. What was Martin Luther King, Jr.’s purpose? How about Gandhi? Michelle Obama’s purpose? Think about someone you know personally-what is their purpose?

To simply define purpose, it is your reason for getting out of bed in the morning. It is your “why”. To use a religious/spritual term, it feels like a calling or reason for being on earth. It is distinct from your passion. I have a friend who loves baking pies. She is constantly trying new recipes, giving pies to her friends and blogging about her newest creations. Many have told her she should open a pie bakery. She has been clear; baking pies is her passion, not her purpose. Her purpose is connecting people through communication. She is a top PR consultant.

Certainly your purpose and passion could overlap, but they can also be distinctly different. Why is knowing and living your purpose so important to leadership presence? It is a core component of courageous authenticity. Courageous authenticity is embracing your unique purpose and power and aligning your actions and words around them.

People with strong leadership presence know their purpose and organize their lives around this purpose. There is no daylight between purpose, words and actions. Additionally, this purpose is grounded in the interest of serving others. Serving others is at the heart of effective leadership. As stated by Ralph Waldo Emerson:

The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

I can’t think of a better definition of leadership-useful, honorable, compassionate, make some difference.

What is your purpose? How do you live your purpose every day?

My T-Shirt May P*ss You Off

I came across a T-shirt the other day that said, “Equal Rights for Others Does Not Mean Fewer Rights for You. It’s Not Pie.” I believe strongly this sentiment and came close to hitting “Buy” on the website, but something stopped me. I thought about potential clients who may be offended by the shirt. I was concerned about someone getting angry. Given the violence of January 6th, I had concerns about my personal safety.

As I work with my women executive clients on strengthening their leadership presence, we often talk about finding the courage to allow ourselves to be fully seen and heard. I thought about that quite a bit as I struggled with the decision to purchase the shirt. How do we make the decision to be fully seen and heard. How do we balance that with considering the reactions of others? What stops us from being fully seen and heard. I want to be able to express my core beliefs and be sensitive to others’ comfort level. Do I have the balance correct? Are my concerns misplaced.

I will keep you posted on my decision. I am leaning toward getting the bumper sticker along with the shirt.

Leadership Presence 101

We just celebrated Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Today we celebrated the transfer of power in our democracy. The nature of leadership is top of mind. As a leadership coach, it is always top of mind for me and my clients-women executives.

Much of the work I do with my clients is helping them strengthen their leadership presence. What do we mean by “leadership presence”? Let’s start with one of my favorite researchers in this area of study. Amy Cuddy has defined presence as, “the state of being attuned to and able to comfortably express our true thoughts, feelings, values, and potential (p. 24).

To define leadership presence, we need to add some items to Cuddy’s concept. I use the term “courageous authenticity” to describe Cuddy’s attuned to and expression of our true selves with an important addition; our actions are in alignment with our true selves. We fully embrace our unique purpose and power. Our daily actions and priorities reflect our true selves-our courageous authenticity.

To complete the model, we do our best to practice effective leadership behaviors. Lastly, we act with courageous authenticity and practice leadership in all domains of our life-self, work, home and community. A visual representation of this model of leadership presence is below.

I challenge you to use this time to reflect on your own leadership presence. How well are you embracing your unique purpose and power? Your power are your strengths, skills, talents, knowledge, experiences, etc. How well do your actions and priorities align with your courageous authenticity? Do you walk the walk and talk the talk? How well do you let others see and hear your best self? What is your favorite model of leadership? In what areas do you excel? Where do you want to improve? What is your plan? How well do you integrate all life domains; knowledging that work is a part of life, not separate from it?

These are not easy questions to answer. The good news is you don’t have to answer all of them at one time. I challenge you to focus on one day at a time and reaiize that taking a step back is still progress-it is part of the process. Pick one thing you want to focus on and be more aware. Taking even a small step will strengthen your leadership presence.

Reference:

Cuddy, A. (2015). Presence: Bringing your boldest self to your biggest challenges. New York, New York: Little, Brown and Company

Start With This to Strengthen Your Leadership Presence

Leadership Presence

Amy Cuddy defines presence as, “the state of being attuned to and able to comfortably express our true thoughts, feelings, values, and potential (p. 24). My definition of leadership presence is acting with courageous authenticity in all life domains while practicing effective leadership behaviors in order to lead others through uncertainty and change. Courageous authenticity is embracing your unique purpose and power and allowing others to see and hear the “real” you. Being authentic requires a willingness to be vulnerable and that is the most courageous thing any of us can do.

Importance of Developing a Voice

Why is developing a voice key to strengthening leaadership presence? Let’s revisit Cuddy’s and my definitions. Cuddy states that presence is “comfortably expressing our true thoughts, feelings, values, and potential.” I talk about embracing your purpose, which includes your values and priorities. Developing a voice is the foundation of leadership presence. Without knowing your best self and having the willingness to express and act on it, leadership presence is not fully possible. Whenever I give a presentation on leadership presence, I ask the participants for examples of public figures who they think have leadership presence. Michelle Obama is often identified.

Characteristics of a leader with a voice

Ms. Obama is recognized as a leader who very clearly and confidently expresses her true thoughts, feelings, values and potential. Most of us could quickly name several things Ms. Obama believes in: equal rights, women’s empowerment, compassion, racial justice and opportunity for all. She has been willing to use her voice in the face of criticism and judgment. Her work has been in the service of others; particulary Black young women. Lastly, she has expressed her voice while practicing effective leadership behaviors such as inspiring a shared vision, empowering others, celebrating success and challenging the status quo.

Developing Your Voice

The first step to strengthening your leadership presence is developing your voice. Ask yourself the following series of questions. Take your time answering them. You may want to start a “voice” journal as a practice of daily reflection.

• How would you define or describe your voice?

• How would others define or describe your voice?

• For what do you most want to be known?

• What has challenged you from developing your voice?

• What would be the biggest benefits for you developing your voice?

• What would be the biggest risks?

• What step could you take today to help you develop and act on your voice?

Reference:

Cuddy, A. (2015). Presence: Bringing your boldest self to your biggest challenges. New York, New York: Little, Brown and Company

Increase Your Influence in 30 Days

Leadership: How to Make Some Noise and Get In Good, Necessary Trouble

Do not get lost in a sea of despair. Be hopeful. Be optimistic. Our struggle is not the struggle of a day, a week, a month or a year, it is the struggle of a lifetime. Never, ever be afraid to make some noise and get in good, necessary trouble. U.S. Representative John Lewis.

I have reflected on this quote from Congressman Lewis often in the days before and after his passing. I have spent the bulk of my professional life helping others develop as leaders, while continously working on my own development. Leadership is fundamentally about challenging the status quo and advocating for a better, more positive future. Congressman Lewis most certainly challenged the status quo in his work getting the vote for Black Americans. He was willing to risk his life for it.

The status quo remains because someone (or group) in power perceives benefits from the status quo. In our society, that is usually white, heterosexual, Christian men. Those not a member of that privileged group (whether they acknowledge their privilege or not) face a mighty struggle to work against the status quo from which the privileged benefit.

Organizations are no different than society as a whole. There are the privileged and those who don’t benefit as much from the status quo. As leaders, it is our responsibility to challenge the status quo and ask ourselves how it may be changed so that many as possible benefit. This requires us to, “not be afraid to make some noise and get in good, necessary trouble.”

What keeps us from making some noise? What is it we fear? Those of us who don’t already benefit from societal privilege and have worked hard to gain some don’t want to lose what we have earned by bucking the system. Fortunately, most of us do not have to fear getting physically beat up like Congressman Lewis endured. But we do fear losing a position or being publicly called out on social media.

What would have happened if Congressman Lewis had stayed silent, had not marched on the Edmund Pettis Bridge, spoken at the March on Washington or run for Congress? Our country would be in a much worse place. Because he made some noise and got in good, necessary trouble, his words and actions will impact generations to come.

I certainly don’t face the issues Congressman Lewis faced, but there are some things in my world that desperately need me to make some noise. How about you? What noise do you need to make?

Key Quesions for Reflection

• What is the status quo you wish to challenge?

• What are your biggest fears?

• How can you minimize risks to yourself?

• How prepared are you to face the consequences?

• How are the privileged benefiting from the status quo?

• What do the privileged stand to lose from a change in the status quo?

• How could the both the majority and the privileged benefit from a change in the status quo?

• Who are your allies in willingness to change the status quo?

• What steps are necessary to change the status quo?

• How can the changes be made with the least amount of resistance?

Leaders: We Must Fully Own Our Stories Around Racism and Privilege

In all honesty I wanted to title this blog post using the four-letter “S” word. “Stories” is an accurate term and my small effort in elevating the quality of conversation. But, I was tempted; emotions are powerful.

I have spent the last week reflecting on the death of George Floyd. I was hesitant to immediately add my thoughts to the public discourse. This is such an important moment; it feels like one of those moments that fundamentally shifts our perspectives and awareness. I notice this shift in my white identifying friends who previously were hesitant to accept the reality of white privilege. It feels like we are having a collective “Ah ha” experience.

As a hetrosexual, white identifying woman, I work hard to be aware of my own biases and blindspots. I am fortunate to have been exposed to and part of efforts to improve diversity, equity and inclusion in both my professional and personal life. But, as part of owning my story, I have not done enough. As this week has taught us, we all must be more active allies.

What stops us from owning our stories? Of being fully aware of our subconscious and conscious biases? Often it is shame. It doesn't feel good to admit that I have biases. We don’t want to believe that about ourselves. Having the biases doesn't make us bad people, but we have a responsibility, particularly as leaders, to own up to them. That is the first step.

What can we do to own our stories and be more active allies for diversity, equity and inclusion?

• Listen, listen, listen with an open heart and mind. Notice feelings of defensiveness and shame come up as you listen to another person’s story. Fully acknowledge the feelings, take a deep breath and re-engage as a listener.

• When we ask questions, ground them in curiosity.

• Don’t place the burden on black and brown people to educate us; we need to take responsiblity for our own learning. Read a book, attend a talk, watch a documentary.

• Find the courage to speak up when we witness acts of injustice.

I have recently joined a book discussion group in which we will be discussing Me and White Supremacy: Combat Racism, Change the World, and Become a Good Ancestor by Layla F. Saad. It is a small step, but something I can do right now. What can you do now?

How to Reject Returning to Normal

Tune in to a news channel at any time of day and you will likely hear an expert hypothesizing when we can return to normal post COVID-19. It is a normal and understandable reaction to the pandemic. Our lives have been turned upside down. The simple act of going to the grocery store involves a risk-reward calculation. Is my list long enough to warrant a trip? Do I have a mask? Can I maintain enough distance between myself and other shoppers? Life is (and was) complex enough without putting a grocery store trip into the life and death decision category. I dream of the day that I can go to my local store and later that day visit my 82-year-old dad and not be concerned I am exposing him to a dangerous virus. That is a normal I want back.

Yet, is there some normal that I (and we) don’t want back? I work with the leaders and members of non-profit membership organizations and higher education institutions. The pandemic has affectly deeply and profoundly both of those industries. There is no normal anymore. In a very short period of time, the way they do business has ceased to exist (at least for now) and may not come back for quite some time. They desperately want their normal back. However, the best leaders of these organizations aren’t wishing for a return to normal; they are creating their new normal.

The best leaders are using this time to challenge their organizations to imagine a new future. For a membership organization, member engagement is key. How can an organization engage with its members in this new reality? A better and broader question - how can we best engage with our members? What do we want to create? What creative approaches can we imagine?

We need to guard against proposing solutions before we frame our desired outcomes. My favorite example comes from my days working with residential college students. It is a simple example, but still works. My student leader came to me and said, “I want to have an ice cream social for my residents.” My question back to her was, “What do you want to accomplish?” My student wanted to help her new residents get to know each other, reduce their fears and help them cope with homesickness. We brainstormed all of the approaches she could take to accomplish these outcomes. The ice cream social survived, but it was a part of a larger effort invoving the entire team of resident advisors.

As a leader, this is the best time to ask your colleagues and stakeholders, what do we want to accomplish? What is the difference we want to make? What can we do now to start creating this new normal? Action is the antidote to fear. We are all fearful now. Our fear response is to want things to go back to the way they were. Even if things weren’t great, we understood our reality and there is comfort in that. I challenge you (as I challenge myself) to guard against the very understandable desire to want things to go back to normal. Yes, you will want some things to go back to the way they were (e.g. your uneventful grocery store trips). But, what do you want to change? What have you been putting off that now you can try? Take care and good luck!

Resilience-A Leadership Superpower

Our reality is vastly changed; even from just a week ago. COVID 19 has radically transformed how we work and relate to each other. We don’t know how long this new reality will last and if some changes may be permanent. Organizations such as association may be fundamentally changed. This is both terrifying and exciting. How can leaders help their organizations work through the fear and unknown? Resilience is a leadership superpower.

An excellent resource for learning about resilence is this TEDx talk from resilience expert Lucy Hone: The Three Secrets of Resilient People. Dr. Hone identified three things resilient people do:

• They accept that bad things happen and that no one is immune.

• They shift their attention to the good. They find the benefit in negative events. Dr. Hone lost her daughter in a car accident. She found comfort in the fact that her daughter was killed quickly and did not suffer. Dr. Hone also advises that we all, on a daily basis, identify three positive things that happened.

• They notice their thoughts and actions and ask, “Is what I am doing helping or hurting me?”. Dr. Hone caught herself compulsively looking at pictures of her daughter and realized she was hurting herself to do so.

Please allow me to add a few more things:

During this challenging time, focus on relationships rather than outcomes. The desire to “fix” everything that is going wrong and produce positive outcomes is strong. Don’t let this impulse overwhelm the need for us to take care of each other;to listen;to relate.

Take on the challenges one day at a time. Yes, you have to look down the road and do your best to anticipate future issues, but don’t lose sight of what you can accomplish today.

It is easy to feel a need to work 24/7; action relives feelings of anxiety and fear. However, You need to give yourself time to recover; no matter the length of your to-do list. Allowing yourself to deplete your energy stores will significantly impact your ability to lead your team from a place of strength and possibility. There is a difference between rest and recovery. Technically, sitting in front of the TV mindlessly is rest but it is not recovery. Recovery is doing something that renews your spirit and soul. What gives you life?

I wish you health and happier days.